'Selective Hearing'

Being a male I have to admit that one of the greatest talents bestowed upon our gender is our immeasurable ability to bend time and space through the act of 'Selective Hearing'. The successful utilization of our power has been recorded as truth through the words of woman "Men never LISTEN!” Now ladies, while our gift is to be envied, that statement is 100% fiction. We men are 'Excellent Listeners' (to that which we truly want to hear). Furthermore, as a proud father of boys, it is my duty to ensure this next generation recognize and hone this superb gift. Xaine has taken well to his lessons and is truly working to master this talent. Unfortunately, as he has strived to further refine his gift, an unexpected turn of events has taken place. Without the presence of a female, the little booger has begun miss-directed his practicing’s towards me. This unnatural usage of Selective Hearing against a member of his own gender was demonstrated again just the other night. Needing to put a stop to this practice and knowing my boy as I do, a simple sound echoing instance usually cripples his ability. SNAP!!!! Xaine stopped what he was doing (yes, I have his attention) and in turn asked “Dadoo, will you teach me to SNAP” (D’oh, well at least I got his attention). So what is a Dadoo to do? Of course I sat on the bed with the boys and proceeded to demonstrate snapping. Xaine then asked his brother for his input. Alma was a great ‘Big Brudder’, aiding Xaine by positioning his fingers and showing how he himself learned. The boys practiced and practiced until the entire bedroom sounded like a coffee shop during that the era of the Beats. Snap, Snap, Snap… At least these boys will know how to show appreciation at any poetry readings they may attend in the future.

WARNING - The Surgeon General DOES NOT promote the utilization of SNAPPING to disrupt any ‘Selective Hearing’ practices of males 11+ as it can produce sevior sides effects which may include but are not limited to: rough scowls, stink eye, prolonged brooding, etc. Use at your own risk.